I AM NOT A WRITER………………………………….I AM AN OFFICIAL BLOGGER (so i am allowed to use whatever language I deem fit so far as you get the message. Get it???? didn’t think so)
It is a wise saying that kings are not born but they are made, yet the true virtue of a king is in his words. Gone with the wind were times when the words of men had value. They never had Apollo or Zeus tell them what it meant to give your word. I stand in a time when the cynical ways of men have coined out the appealing beauty of word for lies (the 21st century, technological age, whatever you call it, it’s just a rack city sh*t). On this note, I welcome you to the chronicles of imperfection.
The world is defined by an incomplete equation of mathematical progression yet to still be uncovered…… and still we live each day like it’s more perfect than them all and in ignorance live out a million years in one second. (Preach preacher)
Sooner than later, I knew my name would be graced in the HEADLINES but I never imagined it this quick because I always skip the third track in drakes TAKE CARE ALBUM. Now that necessity has been laid upon me to mitigate the abnormality carved out by a colleague of mine, the “FLOGGER” or sorry THP, whatever that means in the real world (please wake him up, he is not Chris Brown), I HAVE TO.
NOT SO FAST like the fast and furious!!! Let me entertain you with some pleasures of life so yall can read, smile, laugh and relax your mind forgetting about the former since yall are too broke to go to the nite of a thousand laugh. So afterwards yall can return to your problematic lives with the almighty formula of perfection thinking there is ever a perfect scene (WARNING: It is only applicable in movies) so get comfort in the words of the 3 idiots “ALL IS WELL”
Welcome to the comedy half hour section………………..
CUSTOMER: na wa oh! Person go dey call una on top him money na nonsense music una go dey carry person play, abi una think say na flash i dey flash since?
CUSTOMER SERVICE: thank you for calling the customer service. My name is kingsley. how may i help you?
CUSTOMER: help who? If i tell you my problem una go fit help me? Na una get problem yet na una go dey ask person him own problem. For the past three days now, network no dey my phone. i no fit send text, call out or even browse. shey na by force to give the whole nigeria free browsing? Una carry the browsing wey people pay for give people wey no pay still yet na promo una claim say dey happen. Which kind be that?
CUSTOMER SERVICE: we apologize for any inconveniences sir. What’s your name and where are you calling from?
CUSTOMER: na thunder go disvirgin all una mouth. Na my name go solve the problem? Abi craze dey play draft with ur head? I say i collect number from one fine girl since on friday reach today, i never call am! And i wan carry am comot dis saturday the 19th go for ELEGUSHI BEACH,lekki. As i dey talk so i never fit call am. make una no fall ma hand make devil no fall una hand too oh! Make una find somethg do nah nah nah!! Hahahahahahahahaha!!
(Written by: @sharonthenerd)
Now I’v given you your medicine……………….see teeth!!!
Laughing like a broken laughing machine…………but it’s all good because even doctors inject with laughing gas so if I do my own, nobody go vex. Besides it has been scientifically proven that laughing transforms your facial profile from being ugly to beautiful so do it more often if you want to stay young and attractive (Example: EDDIE MURPHY.)
Here is another rib cracking one…………………………..enjoy!!!
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper, “Hello?”
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, “Is your Daddy home?”
“Yes”, whispered the small voice.
“May I talk with him?” the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, “No.”
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?
“Yes,” came the answer. “May I talk with her?”
Again the small voice whispered, “No”.
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.
“Is there anyone else there besides you?” the boss asked the child.
“Yes” whispered the child, “A Policemen”.
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked “May I speak with the policeman?”
“No, he’s busy”, whispered the child.
“Busy doing what?” asked the boss.
“Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,” came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, “What’s that noise?”
“A hello-copper”, answered the whispering voice.
“What’s going on there?” asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, “The Search team just landed the hello-copper.”
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, “Why are they there?”
Still whispering, the young voice answered along with a muffled giggle: “They’re looking for me.”
(Written by: @sharonthenerd)
That’s all folks!!!
TheHighPriest OF OKIJA SHRINE,
Estate Management Year 5,
Faculty of Environmental Sciences,
University of Lagos.
I AM HIM
I am the one whom needs no formal introduction; I’ll leave you with that to handle in LIMBO (NEW POST, the golden towers 5-the outro www.ibossk.wordpress/2012/08/10/the-golden-towers-5-the-outro/).
Thinking Ice Prince gat enough ice to ice me out was the BIGGEST misconception ever.
Since you played the strings, let me skool (@SoSleek @b_soye @hakeemscamma ‘not the one you know oooooo —bad boys’) you on how to make melodious songs. Learn from the lyrical sledge hammer——->
NB: Should have just called Charly Trail(http://hu.ik/4mqogi09izi8) out for you but I felt you deserved someone big because “you be my guy and I wan make God make you bigger” so I had to call up Nasir Jones (NAS) to do you the honour.
Nastrodamus – I’m capable of anything, my imagination can give me wings to fly like birds over the street watching many things. THP thinking he can get away with anything, don’t let me take you back to the days of the one surveyor.
I see faces, case, judges and juries, students, lawyers and cop, I watch coz every thugz faces my mirror but this was one in particular. The High Priest I could give you an helping hand and bring you out to thugz mansion coz I’m sure yall wouldn’t want me to “HIT HIM UP”
Shall we proceed to things worth dwelling upon?
The long awaited PLANNER’S DINNER AND AWARDS NIGHT is here knocking on your doorstep. Open your Door and pay your N2000 in good faith hoping that you will not be disappointed *my “mole” tells me that they really want to shock everyone…….well I guess only time will tell*
Anyways the event is to hit your viewing pleasure by
DATE: 24TH AUGUST, 2012
VENUE: UNILAG GUEST HOUSE, UNIVERSITY OF LAGOS
TIME: 3:00PM (red carpet starts 2pm)
Before I leave you In the hands of the heavenly terrestrials of rap stars, let me re-echo in your mind, body and soul that
You may know me or you may not, but I AM HIM.
ENJOY THE BEST OF RAP MUSIC
Charlie Trails – schemming
Nasir Jones – thugz mansion
Lil Wayne – tie my hands
TILL WE MEET AGAIN, I leave you in the hands of the El-classico and the sweet words of Martin Luther King…………………………………………..
”I HAVE A DREAM!!!”
Written by: Wole Ademola